Movie Review Rating System

I’ve never sat down and actually reviewed a movie before. I mean, of course, I’ve seen movies and of course, I’ve ‘reviewed’ them verbally with friends, family, co-workers, etc, but I’ve never actually written one. I need the practice, so hell maybe I’ll start doing one of these for movies every now and again.

I’ll need to think up a clever rating system. I don’t want to do ‘stars’, I want to come up with my own thing still on a scale of 1 – 5, but not stars. It’ll probably have to do with men and their beauty as I see them. Ah, I know, I’ll come up with five of actors, rate them from least to most attractive and use them as a rating scale.

Obviously, five on my scale will be represented by Ed Quinn, as being a movie that embodies all things I find make the perfect movie because to me, he embodies all things I find make the perfect man.

One on my scale, hmm, my first instinct is to say Matt Damon, so I should probably just stick with that because he, to me, embodies all that is wrong with a man. However…

Okay, so after some thought here’s what I came up with as my rating system:

1 – Hated It: Brad Pitt – from far away he looks okay, but up close he’s just a big ol’ mess. Honestly, I used to find him really good-looking and one day I looked at him and wondered why? Now I just can’t stand the man and won’t watch a movie with him in it. Except maybe Snatch because that movie just kicks ass.

2 – Didn’t Like It: Ewan McGregor – he’s adorable, honestly, and a great actor, but he’s so smug at times, I just want to smack him. I loved him for a really long time, but realized (with help) that he’s kind of an ass. I’ll watch movies with him in them, but these days I won’t go out of my way to do so.

3 – Liked It: Gerard Butler – adore him! Note: his name is actually pronounced more like “Jared” or “Jerrod” than it looks and would be pronounced in the US. I watched an interview where he said so; if I must, I’ll hunt it down, but I know I heard him say it, so that’s what I’m going with. Anyway, I enjoy him quite a bit and he makes me laugh. That sexy accent of his doesn’t hurt either.

4 – Really Liked It: Hugh Jackman – what can I say? I love my men tall and not from the US, apparently. Except, Ewan isn’t tall, anyway! Hugh is beautiful, sexy, charming, and Australian. He has a great smile, he can sing, dance, act, and I love his voice. Voices are very important to me, if you notice. My last three have all had accents. Mmmm.

5 – LOVED It: Ed Quinn – I love this man. I cannot stress this enough. He’s six feet, four inches, and two hundred ten pounds of pure unadulterated male. To describe this man as sexy doesn’t remotely do him justice. Ed really has it all: height, build, and a striking face that’s timeless; swagger, I love how he walks. Every time I look at him, he’s the same, yet somehow different. It’s like I have never seen him before, but at the same time I can’t get enough of looking at him. Words like: quintessence, pulchritude, and embodiment come to mind when I look at and think of Mr. Quinn.

So there’s my Rating System. Now, the men chosen are based on my personal opinions and you don’t have to agree with me on the men or the movies. Or anything for that matter, wonderful how that works!

Now, I’m going to go type up a review to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls as originally intended before I came up with my bright idea for a movie rating system. I’m so silly.

xoxo

Dawn