Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Bad Little Black Duck

Oh my! I've been a very, very bad duck. I don't even know when it was I last updated this thing. I've really no excuse. I'm just sort of languishing.

Do you ever do something, work really hard at it, think you're on the right track and have a pterodactyl come right out of left field and take your head off? And when I say 'pterodactyl', I mean your own conscience fucking with you.

No? Lucky you. Happens to me all the time. It's fantastic!

And by 'fantastic', I mean it sucks.

Okay, first off on a tangent, I'm not going to stick to my weird structure too much because obviously I'm no good at it. I think part of my problem is I'm trying to do this all organized and I simply don't have the patience for all that, so forget it. They're more like guidelines anyway.

/tangent

Back on track:

What happened was this whirlwind (in my little world anyway because Ed for some reason doesn't have much of a following, which on one hand is good for me screenwriter wise, but blows on the other for the fan-girl in me that craves Ed Quinn everywhere. *ahem*) of The Caller premiere stuff where a flood of interviews came in my email because of my alert. Otherwise, how will I know anything?! Elusive man! Bah!

So anyway, during whirlwind of The Caller (good movie, by the way, I dig thrillers and it got me to jump at least once and had me on the edge of my seat, but that's because I kept waiting for Ed...wamp, wamp, wamp) I get this interview with Ed (finally) where he mentions scripts and how they're sort of hard to come by (I'm severely paraphrasing, I have the link around here, I just can't be arsed right now to track it down) and I went on a tear (oh, look at my previous entry, it's likely there) about how I have a script yadda, yadda, yadda and I went into this mode where I begin to over think literally everything.

Ladies, I know you know what I mean. That thing where you've done awesome, you know you've done awesome and you're patting yourself on the back a job well done and then suddenly...something sneaks in and starts poking at you. "What if" starts floating through your head and before you know it you've talked yourself out of taking that one big important step that's essential for you to realize your dream.

Fuck you, "What if". "What if" kept me from speaking to my writing partner/best friend, Princess Stephanie, for something like a week about anything at all. My other best friend, Policegirl, got the brunt of my "woe is me" bullshit. It's a good thing he and I are so alike, otherwise I don't think he'd put up with my weirdness. Okay, so anyway, Policegirl is fabulous and was like, "Pie," so I was like, "chart" and he was like, "doctor" and I was like, "Quinn" and...okay, no, that was a while ago, but anyway, he pulls me out of my weirdness, sort of and then later Princess Stephanie ends up texting me something along the lines of, "Are you even still alive?!"

It was way less dramatic than that, it was more, "Dude, are you okay?" I asked her to define okay and she replies, "Ah! Well, you are alive! Hooray!" Alive yes, hooray, meh.

I tell her about my weird funk about my script. I suppose I should probably let you in on that as well. I forget that you all are not mind readers and you can't see what's in my head...which is probably a very good thing. For all of us.

My weird little funk, my "what if" is, "What if Ed reads this script and thinks it's utter and complete shit and laughs in my face?" Okay, well first of all, if/when Ed reads it, even if he does think it's shit, I doubt he's the kind of asshole who would start laughing in my face. If he struck me as that sort of person, I wouldn't be so enamored by him. Second of all, two words: Blood Out. I love you, Ed. I really, really do, but ugh the holes in that movie drive me insane. Likely because I adore him and I have a tendency to be super critical of those that I adore, it's some weird reaction I have. I grin like an idiot, but I gotta pick it apart. It's out of love, I swear.

So Princess Stephanie's like, "What's up?" and I tell her my sob story about not being sure of whether or not I should even be worrying about this script and whatever. I wasn't even sure I should be writing. Blah!

She informs me that her friend wants to direct it and is gonna see about what we need to do as far as raising $$ and whatnot because he's really excited about making this movie. Hooray!

I'm hesitant to be too excited yet because this all still hinges on whether or not Ed thinks I'm batshit insane.