Late bloomer doesn’t even begin to describe it. Seriously, in the last year or so I’ve figured out how to really tame my hair using a blow dryer and a round brush, I’ve managed to figure out how to eat properly for my body, and I’ve managed to learn to accept myself (sort of). That’s just to name a few things about me.
Over the course of my blogs, you’ll learn more about me most likely. Much of what I’ll write will be dog farts to many of you, but it could be useful to others. Either way, take me with a grain of salt. I like to rant. My rants aren’t always coherent; I think they are, but that doesn’t make it so, right?
I try not to take myself too seriously at this juncture in my life because there really is no point. I’ve done the serious thing and it’s really over-rated. I do try not to be too much of a hypocrite – let’s face it, we’re all hypocrites to a point, it’s just to what varying degree – and own up to the stupid things I do or say. Honestly, if you have me cold (or know enough to ask), then why the hell would I pussy foot around with you? I don’t have the energy for bullshit anymore, so take me or leave me.
I am married to one of the most wonderful men in the world – the next most wonderful man in my life is my father because he’s just kickass, but more on him later – Rich, who puts up with all of my craziness. A man who has little to no patience for much of anything has worlds of it for me and I’m not really sure how he does it. All I know is that I love him with every ounce of me and I am blessed to have him as my husband and soul-mate.
Really quickly: do not confuse the fact that I said “blessed” with my being religious. I’m not, but again, more on that…later. Seriously, that’s a blog post in itself. But I digress.
Lately, I’ve fallen in love with words. “Words mean things.” Yes, they really do. They mean things for reasons and we should respect the word for the glorious thing it is and treat it with reverence. I’m trying to expand my vocabulary and work on my grammar as well as sentence structure, as I find it important when being a writer.
I cannot tell you how often I read an article that has clearly not been proofread and glaring mistakes are made. I am not perfect; I will be the first to tell you that; however, I do believe if one is posting for the world to see, spelling, grammar, and structure should all be considered, so as not to look like a complete ass.
Maybe that makes me conceited, but honestly, our society is lacking in so many areas and language is one of those areas that really should be held dear. I see how our tweens, teens, and pre-adults “write” and it often makes me cringe. How have you made it so far in school? Or are we really just passing our children through the system with little care as to how much knowledge they actually possess?
I’ll stop there with that because, again, that’s a blog post in and of itself and I want to try to focus this as much as an introductory to me as possible. I am awesome at going off on tangents, so I’m trying to work on that.
Another fun fact about me: in the last year I managed to lose (notice not loose, there’s a difference!) fifty-seven pounds, give or take a couple of pounds depending on my diet for the week these days. I’ve happily gotten to the point where I can literally eat whatever I want, when I want and it just sort of burns off. I figured out the secret; another post! Bloggy, bloggy, bloggy.
Now that I have this new body, I have to figure out how to dress it. In my quest, I realized, I have no style of which to speak. I have many pieces of which I like, but nothing really “goes” as Stacy London says. I sat down and really thought about what it is I want in a look and what sort of looks I already like.
In this thought session, I figured out that I’ve always sort of been drawn in some way to the fifties pinup model. They are so classic and beautiful; I’ve always admired their timelessness. I now think I’ve shied away from the look because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin.
I wasn’t “fat”, but I wasn’t “thin” landing somewhere in between. Dressed, I looked halfway decent (well, that’s really debatable looking back on some of my pictures; ugh), but naked I couldn’t find anything I liked about my body except my boobs. Fun!
I want to take this moment to say, I wish I had it within me to have been comfortable with me at one hundred and sixty-seven pounds. I know of (I won’t say know because we aren’t friendly, chick I knew in high school in passing) a woman who is clinically obese (according to the gov’t anyway, but don’t get me started) and she dresses provocatively and is in absolute love with herself. She is very unapologetic and she easily outweighed me by a good fifty pounds at my heaviest, if not more. She has the attitude of, “Don’t care what you think, I love me.”
I wish I had that sort of confidence; everyone should and I admire the hell out of her for that. She is a far stronger woman than I because for me to have that same confidence and self-love, I had to lose a shitton of weight. It really shouldn’t have had to go down like that.
Blah, blah, blah. “I thought you said you were going to focus your thoughts!!!!” I am, it’s all relevant, I swear.
I tell you all this because in my journey of weight loss, I’ve learned that we are all very different in every aspect of life. This woman I know of, while she’s big, I have no idea what her daily routine or diet is like. She could run five miles a day, workout with weights three times a week, but just happens to really like her carbs and is genetically disposed to being heavy. No idea and honestly, it doesn’t matter.
In a nutshell: heavy =/= unhealthy =/= automatically unattractive and thin =/= healthy =/= automatically attractive. Side note on my weight loss: it happened because I changed my diet and now I’m healthy, which on my body happens to translate to thin. The attractive scale, well, that’s relative to whomever happens to be looking at me; I find me hot and I’d totally bang me now, not so much before.
Anyway, I just wish I was able to walk with my head held high at 167lbs, like I do now at 112lbs. It’s quite an interesting dynamic. And yes, I get the math doesn’t add up, but remember I believe I noted “give or take a couple of pounds”.
In case you hadn’t already noticed, I can get wordy, but I’m a writer. It’s what I do; it’s what I kick ass at. I think I’ve found my calling as a screenwriter; wrote a script that’s really awesome and can’t wait to get it off the ground and filmed. So excited.
All right, so I think that’s enough for the night. Hubby is fast asleep next to me and Psych is on my television, that’s sign enough for me to get my derriere to bed.
Goodnight.
xoxo
DW
Love you Dawn! Can't wait to read more from this blog! You Rock!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Carlee! <3
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