Tangent Tuesday: You Call That A Beard, Son?

I have been a very bad duck! I've neglected my blog for almost a week! This is terrible, but I've not been in a writing, chatting kind of mood. Last night, however, I was on a tear about something and wrote up a little something.

And shock! It has to do with Ed...sort of. He's a feature, for certain.

Anyway, without further ado here are the mad ramblings of...me!

You Call That A Beard, Son?

Okay, so earlier I was on Facebook (shock!) perusing through the ‘Most Recent’ list and see that Ketel One has posted something and in vain (as always) I go to their page to see if maybe, just maybe they’ve brought Ed back for their advertising. I know they haven’t, but a girl can dream, right?

Not surprising, dream shattered, again. Oh, well, but for further punishment to my Ed Quinn loving psyche, I click on one of their ‘newest ads’, again, in the vain hope that I’ll glimpse Ed. Again, dream shattered because no matter how much I’d like to have the commercial reshot with Ed in it and re-aired just for my personal viewing pleasure, I know that hasn’t happened because Ketel One could give a shit less about my hard-on for Ed Quinn.

Anyway, in viewing this commercial (no, I won’t link you to the new ad(s), but I may link you to the series Ed’s in because…I lurves him and I should thank KO for airing those about a year or so ago and reminding me just how hot that Nathan Stark guy was and kick starting a flood of ideas of which I haven’t had in forever – so, thanks) I noticed most of the adolescent males within are sporting what I assume are supposed to be full beards.

I say “assume” because they aren’t full by any stretch of the imagination. Patchy, spotty, and sad are how I’d describe these “beards” and the ‘men’ to which they're attached are little more than boys just this side of puberty. Come on, Ketel One, if you want me to buy the ‘gentlemen’ thing, you’re gonna have to give me actual men who can grow real beards and have the life experience to know how to treat a real woman.

Boys, if you want tips on how to grow an actual beard, you should talk to Ed because that man can grow one hell of a beard. Full, thick, and masculine…I love Ed Quinn and his beard. Just thinking about it makes me tingle from my scalp to my toes. That isn’t even hyperbole, it’s literal: an actual tingle runs the course of my body just imagining it. *sigh*

Don’t get me wrong, I love Ed in all his various forms: long hair/five o’clock shadow, short hair/five o’clock shadow, long hair/clean shaven, short hair/clean shaven, etc, etc, etc…he has so many pulchritudinous visages, it would take a considerable amount of time in which to scribe them all, and I love each and every one, I just don't hold the patience required to do so.

However, above all I love that man with a beard gracing that handsome face. To me, it softens him and takes years off his already Dick Clark-esque ability of not aging much over the last twelve or so years (maybe longer, I haven’t been able to see much further back than that). I was astounded to find he’s in his forties – WHAT?! I’m still not so sure I buy it *shiftyeye*.

The one thing that could make Ed Quinn and his beard sexier is if there were some gray hairs in it. The idea of a few flecks of gray sprinkled throughout makes my mouth water. Again, not hyperbole, but again he has that not aging thing working in his favor, so I’ll enjoy him and his dark hair as they are.

Although, I do love an older man and it explains a lot about his appeal for me when I watch him do…whatever he’s doing in whatever it is I happen to be enjoying (re-watched House of the Dead 2 the other day and realized how smoking hot he is throughout, even covered in blood and guts). He never fails to bring an enormous grin to my face.

Okay, so that was a tangent! At any rate, I couldn’t help but be irritated by all these pretty boy wannabes and their sad little ‘beards’ disguised as ‘gentlemen’. Please. You show me a twenty-five year old male, who knows draping his jacket over a woman’s shivering shoulders, granting her comfort at the expense of his own, is chivalrous and will gain him more favor than ignoring her for eight days and I’ll show you a shitty picture of Ed Quinn.

Read: ain’t gonna happen. I’ll look, but I’ve scoured the net (I don’t know what the deal is with him…my other celebrity muses have never been so…persistent and cooperative – short portfolio notwithstanding) and so far he’s just dead sexy in pretty much everything I’ve been able to view. So, don’t hold your breath.

In closing, Ketel One, you had me with your previous advertising in 2009/10 because I’m more than just a tad fond of the masculine adult male, but I prefer them with a little bit of experience in those chin whiskers they call ‘beards’. It's obvious the sophisticated adult female is not your target audience or you'd give us women men to look at and not boys.

xoxo

Dawn

As promised Ed's Ketel One commercials:
Side Note: notice how Ed's beard is the sole beard to stand out. Jus' sayin'.